Hail seitan!

Oh Satan, I will always always love you dearly, but I must confess that I now worship an even higher (lower?) power…seitan (pronounced say-tan)!  It adheres to my “cheap and easy, yet delicious” standards and it fills my mouth with such happiness, I wish I had known about it sooner!  There are a ton of different recipes for seitan and they have slightly different textures and seasoning, depending on how you’re going to use it. Basically its meaty-textured stuff (referred to as “wheat meat”) made from what gluten flour that readily absorbs whatever flavor you bestow upon it.  You can easily substitute it anywhere you would use meat in a recipe.  In other words, use seitan and never worry about finding another vein or asshole in your food again!

Our Vegan Kitchen blog’s Chicken-y Seitan Cutlets are amazingly good and versatile.  The seitan is fairly dense but still moist and it has a great flavor.  I’ve sliced it into strips and breaded and fried it, added it to stir fry, sautéed it and served it over salad.  It even freezes well!  And when all the seitan is gone, you sit in the corner and cry and wish for more. But when you’re done being a fat baby, you can take the leftover broth and make a kickass gravy!

Note: The first several times I made this recipe, I spent lots of time kneading the dough like a chump. Then I spotted my Kitchen Aid mixer mocking me and I realized that fucker has a dough hook for JUST this sort of thing!  Do save yourself some time and arm pain and let the mixer do the work if you have one.

We are huge sandwich fans in our house and I have decided this is my very favorite way to pay homage to our seitan:

Unholy Seitan Sandwiches (or seitanwiches?)

3 chicken-y seitan cutlets

4 sandwich rolls, toasted

4-5 cups of veggies (peppers, onions, mushrooms)

Maple syrup

Bragg’s liquid aminos

Veganaise

Vegan cheese, pickles, etc.

Heat two large pans on medium heat and add a little oil in each.  Slice the veggies fairly thin and throw them in one pan.  Slice the seitan cutlets, about 1/8” thick and add them to the other pan.

The seitan is already fairly flavorful so I don’t add any additional seasoning or sauce, but feel free to experiment!  I would avoid adding salt, though.  Remove from heat when they get nicely browned.

When the veggies are good and floppy, add a little real maple syrup…probably a tablespoon.  It may sound odd, but the touch of sweetness gives the sautéed veggies a great flavor. I also add about a tablespoon or two of Bragg’s liquid aminos at this point.  Its similar in flavor to soy sauce, so you can sub that if you wish or just add a little salt.  Cook for another minute or two and remove the veggies from heat.

Prepare to assemble your sandwich and be converted to the dark side:  Add mayo to your toasted bun, or any other condiment you like.  Top with a layer of the seitan and then a layer of the veggies.  Add cheese, pickles, hot sauce, avacado (yes, Brad… I CAN eat avocado with EVERY meal!), whatever makes your mouth party happen!

You’ll want a second one so don’t bother serving a side-dish and do wear stretchy pants!!

If you’d like even more unholy inspiration, Jenn of Veganize It Don’t Criticize It has the most amazing recipes on her blog and she has a cookbook out!  She is hilarious and I genuinely LOL ever time I read her blog…she also has an entire section of seitan recipes…so get on your knees, bitches!  Its time to praise…

Veggie Zaps, KaPOW!

The first meal Brad ever made for me was his very own creation, Veggie Zaps!  They were delicious and fulfilled many of my requirements for the perfect meal:  1) easy, 2) potentially but not necessarily sloppy and 3) made by someone else.  I was so happy and smitten because the fastest way to my heart is with new shoes, but the second fastest is food

And BONUS, they'll give you guns like this:

OK that's probably not true.  But if you make them for your girl, she'll look at you like this:

I hate following recipes, and Veggie Zaps don't really require adherence to one, so just start with the basics and get creative!

-Veggie burgers of choice
-Veggie bacon
-Sauce (BBQ, teriyaki, etc.)
-Cheese or cheesy substance
-Veggies
-Buns or tortillas

Place a good-sized pan on medium heat, add a little oil and throw in your veggie burgers. If you are adding mushrooms or onions, you can add them at the same time.  Brown them on each side and then turn the heat down to low.

Now, you can get saucy with your bad self!  I usually let Brad handle the saucing (he he) because I still can't get the "don't drown your food" guy out of my head.  We usually do a teriyaki/BBQ sauce combo and if you go that route, I suggest throwing some in pineapple slices and you can add a little of the juice as well!  Add your veggie bacon and cheese (optional of course) and cover the pan. Let it do its thing and cook slowly for at least 20 minutes.

Assembling the Zap!  We prefer whole wheat tortillas...or you can go open-faced if you're limiting carbs. Add some mayo or Veganaise, add the veggie burger (we usually break it into smaller chunks or cut it into strips to accommodate the wrap shape), some cheese, pineapple, veggie bacon and any additional veggies or pickles you want to add.

Wrap that sucker up, shove it in your face and prepare to be adored!!!  And try and ignore this guy for at least one saucy meal:

Cheap and easy...

...but enough about me.

I love to cook but I rarely have a nice chunk of quality alone time to spend in the kitchen getting creative with my veggies (heh!), so we keep stuff on hand that's easy to prepare.  Fortunately our favorite meals are also relatively simple to whip together.  Baked potato night, Mexican night, Vegan Dagwood sandwich-so-good-it'll-make-you-cry night, spaghetti night, and the ever popular I'm too tired to care bowl of cereal or top ramen night!

Vegan convenience foods (meat-replacement protein sources, generally) can get a little pricey, but I've found some bargains in the most bizarre place...that funky rainbow grocery place, Grocery Outlet!  Shopping there makes me feel like a kid again in that I hope no one I know will see me there...but some of the prices are amazing and its always like going on a treasure hunt!  They never have the same stuff...its an ever-changing landscape of equal parts quality and crap.

I scored BIG on my last visit!  They had some Kiss My Face products (no animal ingredients and no animal testing, plus its just a good quality skin care line), lots of Amy's frozen meals and salad dressings, Barbara's cereals (Peanut Butter Puffins are an excellent dinner cereal), and last but certainly not least TONS of Yves veggie products!  I paid less than half what I would at Fred Meyer or Whole Foods and I only had to feel slightly dirty.  The produce section is hit or miss so I did head to a regular store afterward.

One thing I always wish I had with me is a little travel soy milk for coffee emergencies and such, so I was exxxtra excited to find these sexy little things...

Purse-sized and ready for action!

xoxo or socks if you have a blackberry ;)

Diane burgers!

I’m so impressed with some of the recipes you guys have been trying!  Feel free to post them in the comments section here or on my page!  I’ll gladly give YOUR recipes a try (unless they contain raisins, you commie!).

I decided to go vegetarian in high school and finding things to eat wasn’t hard because…teenage girls generally don’t eat much.  Potlucks and buffets and dinners at the mercy of meat-eaters posed some challenge, but I was usually able to at least scrounge some cheese and bread.  Going vegan is an entirely different challenge.  The dirty bastards (you know the ones) put milk in EVERYTHING.  So now when I get a potluck dinner invite, I plan to bring everything that Brad and I will need for a meal, because its unlikely we’ll eat otherwise.  I don’t mind doing it because a) I can’t expect everyone else to know or care about my diet and b) I look at it as an opportunity to expose people to new foods.

My friend Diane hosted a potluck dinner a while ago and I can’t recall what I brought but I do know it was something lame because I was lazy…which means I should have had to subsist on carrots, but no!  Diane actually made me the most adorable little vegan black bean burgers AND she made cute little buns to serve them on!!  All homemade!  I was touched beyond belief…she literally had a house FULL of people and more than enough work to do, and she took the time to make special food for me. (There was another vegan in the house, but…I’m sure it was all for me.)  In addition to being thoughtful, the meal was also awesome.  I immediately went home and recreated the recipe...Brad loved them and he calls them Tammy Burgers, but they’ll always be Diane burgers to me! Thank you, Diane!

Black Bean Diane/Tammy Burgers

• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 can black beans, well drained or the equivalent in freshly cooked beans
• 1/2 cup flour (whole wheat works great)
• 2 slices bread, crumbled (I use Dave’s Killer Bread, any variety)
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp seasoned salt
• salt and pepper to taste
• optional: I add a chipotle pepper (you can find them canned in the Hispanic foods section) to give it some heat and flavor. Try adding sundried tomatoes, roasted red peppers, anything you like!
• oil for frying

Sautee the onions until soft, about 3-5 minutes.

In a large bowl, mash the beans until almost smooth. Add the sauteed onions and the rest of the ingredients and mix well. I usually just get in there with my hands and mush it around until its well combined.
Form bean mixture into patties, approximately ½ inch thick and fry in a small amount of oil until slightly firm. Make veggie burgers and enjoy!
**We usually have them with some chipotle mayo. Throw a chipotle pepper or two into a food processor with some Vegenaise. YUM!  I also like to add a vegan cheese sauce. You can find the recipe at The Voracious Vegan…this stuff looks terrible but what it lacks in sex appeal, it makes up for in taste

Snack time!

Quickie post, lets get down and dirty!  Get out the lube and send the kids to play video games!  This is a love story about hummus and me.  Its a wonderfully easy snack and its fun and versatile…you can dip it, smear it, eat it straight of the bowl.  Its also freaking expensive, so I make my own and its the best I’ve ever had. The main problem with sharing my recipe is I never ever measure the ingredients so I have no idea how much of each item to tell you to use.  I had a tiny little food processor I would use to make this and so I had to do the hummus in about five little batches and I’d just keep adding things until it tasted right. My parents were wise and thoughtful and gave us a huge food processor for Christmas, so I’ll be able to get a better idea of the proper quantities and I’ll update in a future post for those of you that are married to your measuring cups.

The key to making the very best hummus is the chickpeas, or garbanzo beans.  I never used canned because…they taste canned!  I always start with dried beans. You will probably only be able to find them in the bulk food section.  I soak them in water overnight and then simmer them until they’re soft.  You can skip the soaking and just put them in a crock pot all day on low if you prefer!  I usually cook a huge batch of the beans and then turn half into hummus and freeze half for later. They thaw just fine.

I’ll try and estimate quantities, assuming you use about six cups of cooked beans.  Obviously feel free to do just a half or quarter of the recipe. We have four teens, so its never wasted at our house.

HUMMUS a la Tam Tam!

6 cups soaked and cooked garbanzo beans

½ cup olive oil

Juice of 3-4 lemons

1 tablespoon of liquid smoke

2 tablespoons sea salt

½ cup tahini

4 cloves garlic, crushed (optional…depending on your social calendar)

Pop all that in food processor and mix until its creamy good!  Taste it and see what you might like more or less of. I think more olive oil gives it a great texture, but if you’re trying to watch your fat, you’re stupid. Oops, I meant, just cut out some of the oil.  I usually top it with a little paprika and some pine nuts as well.

I use this as a sandwich spread, eat it on pita with fresh tomato and cucumber slices, throw it on top of  a bed of spinach with grape tomatoes in lieu of salad dressing…so versatile!  You can thank me later but don’t kiss me if you’ve included the garlic.

So tired...

This week has kicked our asses and not in a good "boot camp" sort of way.  We had a death in the family and it rocked our happy little world, but it has definitely made me appreciate everything more.  The family member that passed away was one of the most awesome women I have had the pleasure to know...she was nearly 90 and I can only hope to be like her when I grow up. She was fiercely independent and she possessed a combination of sweet and feisty that I absolutely loved, even when the feisty was directed at me.  Having been born in the 20's, weakness was a luxury she not only couldn't afford but didn't want.  She never wanted to burden anyone and she derived great happiness from watching Brad and I embark on our little adventures like Burning Man.We have a note on our fridge that she sent us, wishing us fun and safety on our "Gen-X hippie desert fest." and she noted, "don't smoke anything I wouldn't."

This may not seem to have much to do with a vegan blog, but it does. She had a great sense of her worth as a person, and she lived her life with purpose. Every action was a conscious decision to align her world with her values and desires. That approach to life is what led to Brad and I to going vegetarian...be the change you wish to see in the world.  Make conscious choices, use your head, live your life in a way you can be proud of and maybe, when you're gone, someone will want to grow up to be like you.

A new year, a new you?

I never make resolutions, mainly because my life is a perfect balance of excess and...slightly less than excessive, and I like it like that!  And my new year starts on the playa every September when The Man burns.  That is my time for reflection and appreciation of the incredibly happy life I live.  Its also a time to count the minutes until my ass touches indoor plumbing again.

If someone replaced all your clothes with smaller stuff over the holidays (I feel your pain, the bastards did it to me, too), or you just need a little cleanse you may want to try the 21-Day Vegan Kickstart created by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine. Even if you don't want to commit to a whole 21-day cleanse, its worth checking out the site.  They have created  a meal plan for each week and you can print a grocery list.

On a side note..there are some hot freaking vegans!  I'll need to dedicate a whole post to that topic...  Natalie Portman (she's pregnant now, so helloooo boobies), Alicia Silverstone, that "look at your man, now look back at me" guy from the Old Spice commercials! Who needs a cleanse now? I'll get the loofah...

If you're wondering how Brad and I started off our 2011 diet, we had a couple of pitchers of Ruby and lots of fries!  Go team McCray!